


Pyrrhic Victories

by galimau



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Dubious Consent, Dubious Consent (Voyeurism), F/M, Gift Fic, M/M, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:27:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22187812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galimau/pseuds/galimau
Summary: It was an assignment, or a test, or some type of cruel joke that Alex wasn't ready for. And really, there was only one thing Yassen was willing to let happen after that.
Relationships: Yassen Gregorovich/Alex Rider
Comments: 6
Kudos: 155
Collections: Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Inspired Works





	Pyrrhic Victories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pongnosis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pongnosis/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10222295) by [pongnosis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pongnosis/pseuds/pongnosis). 



> I decided that what this universe needed was even more messy boundaries, repression, and things that Yassen and Alex definitely weren't talking about.

The door swung closed behind Alex. He eyed the lack of a good lock warily, braced himself against the wall to the left of it, trying to keep practical concerns in the front of his mind rather than lingering on anything else. If someone came in unexpectedly, he’d have the advantage. Small comfort. His job here was to make sure nothing went wrong, to cover the entrance to the room and provide immediate backup if it was needed.

He hadn’t needed to be told that Yassen wouldn’t tolerate any of his usual security team to be part of this, so they were posted throughout the sprawling estate, ready to light it up at the touch of the alarm on Alex’s wrist.

None of them were happy at being put off, but no one was complaining. Not with the mood that Alex had been in since they arrived that afternoon.

He hadn’t been impressed by the old stone walls or carefully trimmed hedges of their current assignment, and the suite they’d been directed toward that night soured Alex’s stomach even further. 

It was a lavish, small space with a washroom attached. Not meant for living in. Dim light mimicking actual intimacy, with plush carpeting and gauzy drapery that couldn’t disguise the slim bars over a window too small to jump out of. A small chair, a nightstand. All secondary to the bed taking up most of the floorspace, and the woman arranged on it who blended neatly into the artful display. She’d been introduced as ‘Selene’ but Alex suspected that was as much her name as ‘Orion’ was his.

Alex wasn’t stupid - the ‘whys’ of the situation weren’t for him to worry about. All that mattered was sticking close to Yassen while he was… indisposed. 

Alex pressed his eyes closed a heartbeat longer than he needed to and swallowed down the hysteria bubbling up in his chest. Feeling like he’d lost control of his life wasn’t a _new_ experience, but it never got any easier.

Especially not when this new assignment managed to press on what felt like all of his worries at once. Yassen’s safety, Alex’s own self-control. How much left he felt like he still had to learn.

The only reassurance was that the company provided for the night looked too frail to be a threat.

With bright earrings winking from her cloud of hair and a gauzy robe highlighting more than hiding her figure, Selene seemed as decorative as the meaningless paintings on the wall, simple still-lifes in expensive frames. Alex kept an eye on the blankets and her hands anyways. It would be easy to hide a syringe in the heavy folds of cloth. Alex could think of some alarmingly simple ways to take out a target with the advantages of familiar territory and the infuriatingly dim lighting.

It probably said nothing good about him that he was frantically trying to list them all, arranged first by practicality and then creativity, rather than think about what was about to happen in front of him.

Because really, the only thing worse than being here while Yassen fucked a probably-willing woman to show appreciation for their client-turned-host, was the idea of leaving him alone with someone of uncertain capabilities and background. 

Unwillingly, that hysteria welled up again. He almost wanted to laugh.

Alex despised everything about this assignment down to his bones and had since it first made its way across his desk weeks ago. 

It wasn’t even the job itself, which was lucrative but dull: undermining a fledgling government’s push for democracy. The egoism of old money and power refreshed by corruption and war profiteering, pushing back against threats to that dominance. The type of client that Alex found distasteful but not outright evil enough to object to working for. Not even to himself, which probably meant he was finally growing up.

This time, his objection was entirely personal.

The initial information on Delancey included his capricious temper and deep preference for playing gracious host. He liked plying his chosen guests with the best food and lodgings money could supply and responded to perceived slights brutally. He’d thrown a tantrum six years ago at the refusal of a local politician to partake in a game night Delancey was throwing and had him dragged down the front steps of the manor, beaten with pool cues. The politician gave his next speech through lips swollen around stitches and then quietly resigned from office.

Delancey had reached out to SCORPIA, wouldn’t dare try and intimidate them the same way. No matter how rich, no one with a brain would think that they could bully the organization into compliance. Everyone was sure to be on their best manners, but that didn’t make it good business to agitate a client. So when Alex flipped to the page detailing his own orders, everything in him went cold and still. In addition to the usual amenities, Delancey kept entertainment on-site. Alex was expected to partake.

Not in so many words, maybe. But the blocky text informing him that _‘engaging in intercourse when provided is recommended. Prior experience in s.work not required’_ was very clear. If Alex didn’t take care to read each word of his paperwork carefully, he might have missed the instructions. They were unremarkable in the close-crowded print of the other expectations of Orion, and in some ways that was the worst part.

Alex had stared at the paper for a very long time. Gotten up, worked out, and returned to read it again. It hadn’t made gotten any better the longer he looked, and he’d ended up outside Yassen’s suite, something very near to panic trying to take root in his chest.

Yassen took one look at his face and let him through the door without comment. Just swung it shut behind him and locked them into what was probably the most private room in Malagosto beside Dr Three’s own quarters. Power had its benefits and one of them was knowing that whatever happened here, it stayed between the two of them. That was enough reassurance for Alex to feel safe at the tremor in his voice when he asked for clarification on the assignment, the nervous energy that had him shifting his weight from foot to foot. Weakness was an invitation to get hurt, that was just the world they lived in, but his insecurities were no mystery to Yassen. 

All he’d had to do was be honest and wait for the verdict.

Plenty of thoughts had crossed his mind since he first read the brief. That it was a mistake. A test of his obedience. Or even that like his first kill, this was a step toward adulthood that SCORPIA wanted to have happen on their own timeline. Whatever he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been for something very close to exasperation to flash across Yassen’s face as he read over the file. It was a relief to know that Yassen hadn’t decided on this for him without warning, one of the thoughts that bit the sharpest while Alex had tried to figure out what to do.

“The Doctor has a particular sense of humor,” Yassen had said and refused to elaborate any more, just told Alex to focus on the rest of the job. That making sure they didn’t offend the client wasn’t his concern. 

It had sounded like bullshit even at the time, but Alex had been too relieved to press any further. Accepted it at face value when an updated assignment was delivered to him that evening, the veiled orders gone and with ‘Mr. Gregorovitch’ added as the ranking operative. Strange, but Yassen could be particular about how he wanted things done. And Alex wasn’t about to question a mission when it was being changed for the better. He buried himself in logistics and security concerns and understanding the local politics they’d be uprooting for the next week rather than think about what had been an alarmingly close call.

He’d put the issue of sex out of his mind entirely until that evening, when Gilliam Delancey slid a leather folio across the table to Yassen and cocked a brow invitingly. 

“I know that offering you a proper meal would be in - if you’ll pardon the joke - poor taste considering the inevitable security concerns, but I hope you’ll allow me to engage you for the evening. I have all sorts of options on-hand.” 

Alex grabbed it first, flipping it open to the first page where a girl around his age stared at the camera with dark doe eyes. Below her picture ran a neat list of her height, weight, and other personal attributes. That list including languages spoken and blood type, which was alarming in a way that Alex didn’t want to think too much about. He hesitated with the book as long as he could get away with, pretending to study the photograph and feeling his stomach bottom out.

Beside him, Yassen held out a hand. Alex didn’t bother trying to delay further.

“I don’t deal in human trafficking,” Delancey explained as Yassen thumbed through the pages, alarmingly impassive even to Alex. Even as he marked three pages and slid the file back, it was impossible to tell if he was pleased with the options presented or disapproved of the whole thing. Alex hoped he look even half as inscrutable, standing at his shoulder. 

“My only requirement is that they’re quiet,” Yassen said, cutting off Delancey’s explanation of their contract system - _completely voluntary, you know -_ and sitting back in his chair. 

And that had been that. 

The night had moved to more lucrative conversations and Alex got his footing back underneath him and did his best to ignore the sour taste on his tongue. He hadn’t considered _this_ as an option. Not once in his worries about the initial assignment or his absentminded curiosity about why Yassen had added himself to a job that Orion had well in-hand. 

After business was dealt with, they’d been invited to the other wing of the house, tucked further back into the sprawling grounds. Well. Yassen had been invited, and Alex stayed close at hand, relaying orders for their men to remain alert and trying not to let nerves take hold. 

He’d done decently, focused on doing his job until the door had shut behind him, closing them into a room barely large enough for two people, much less three. And as much as it rattled him, both Yassen and the woman he’d chosen looked perfectly at ease with the tight space.

Yassen approached the bed. Selene, already shrugging out of her robe, reached for him with inviting hands, aiming for his belt, but he grabbed her wrist before she was able to touch.

“I don’t care about enthusiasm.”

“I could make it-”

“No.” Yassen’s tone brooked no argument.

She didn’t make another sound, although Alex could see the tension in Yassen’s knuckles. A grip like that had to hurt - Yassen’s hold was like iron. When he released her, she withdrew her body entirely, laid on the bed with her hand slipping between her legs to work herself open, staring at the ceiling with a flat look on her face rather than the heated interest from when they first walked in. 

It wasn’t that different from Yassen’s expression, actually.

He looked down at her for a long moment, occupied with some thought that Alex couldn’t begin to guess at, then turned toward the nightstand, sliding his belt free before starting with the buttons on his shirt, undoing them with practiced ease. Each article of clothing he removed was folded precisely and carefully placed on the chair. His guns he left by the bed in easy reach. By the time that he was out of his layered shirts and flicking open the button on his trousers, Alex was trying hard to keep focused on Selene and what her hands were doing between her thighs.

No matter how vaguely pornographic, it was less magnetic than watching Yassen strip down. And far less likely to get him in trouble. Aside from his worries about security or the feeling that the world had twisted under him, this was the other reason tension was already coiling in his gut.

It was a losing battle. Alex’s attention wrenched back to Yassen as he folded his jacket over the wood-backed chair and stepped to face the bed, looking down at Selene. Blank even to Alex, but that wasn’t important right now. 

Alex felt his breath catch and the throat close entirely. The hours between and now and dinner hadn’t been enough warning for what was happening in front of him.

He couldn’t make himself stop staring.

They’d seen each other naked before, on jobs and living in close quarters. If he’d given it any thought, Alex would have said that bodies in general had lost any intrigue for him, and that Yassen, however much sway he personally had over Alex, was no different. But he’d never imagined seeing him like this, never with so much _intent_ behind the skin suddenly on display. It wasn’t modesty or embarrassment that made the room feel suddenly much smaller and warmer, but that Alex had never seen Yassen… _grab himself_ , hand wrapped around his cock, moving with the same rote efficiency that he used to break down a rifle. 

It shouldn’t have been as fascinating as it was.

Alex carefully stayed pressed against the wall where he’d taken up guard. It was a good position, tactically. Useful for taking advantage of blind spots and fast action no matter if trouble came through the door or from the woman on the bed.

It also meant he had an unobstructed view of the entire room.

Including Yassen, eyes lidded and impassive as he worked himself fully erect, the head of his cock flushed vivid and pink against the pale of the rest of his skin. 

Alex swallowed twice, his throat dry. 

Being Yassen’s second didn’t offer much privacy or downtime, and his stress was more than he could take care of in the showers after being trounced in a sparring session, no matter how much he’d sometimes wished otherwise. But that didn’t mean that he was _disinterested_ in sex. Just the idea of letting a stranger get that close to him. Of something else that should be just _his_ being a decision made for him as a mission parameter. 

But as terrified as he’d felt when he got this assignment, there was no looking away now.

He couldn’t get a good look with how Yassen was holding himself, but his cock seemed long and slender, much like the fingers that twisted and tugged at it. Not that Alex had been making guesses. That would be… rude and making assumptions and probably a worse breach of privacy than just being here in the first place.

A shiver worked its way down Alex’s spine. Electrically aware of himself and worse, of every detail of the scene in front of him. Not disinterested in sex at all, even though sometimes that secret felt like it was trying to chew its way out of his ribs.

Alex caught his bottom lip with his teeth and looked closer. He’d tried to picture Yassen’s cock before, late at night or during long transit flights where time felt unreal. Stopping his curiosity now would be impossible.

The particulars of Yassen’s body may have been a mystery, but his hands - Alex knew his hands. Calloused and strong, with capable fingers that had sent Alex screaming to his knees in pain during training just as often they’d soothed him after hard weeks, gentle on his chin when he wanted Alex’s - not Orion’s - undivided attention. He’d seen them rip people apart and cleaning weapons and signing orders for the deaths of dozens of people, a hundred different jobs done without hesitation or mercy. Yassen looked like a man built for violence, everything soft about him chipped away a long time ago.

Some days it was easy to imagine that Yassen moved through the world without being touched by it. But there he was, thumb massaging into the slit of his cock as a flush worked its way up his neck, and without even enough warning to brace himself against it, Alex felt ripped open with wanting. 

He _hated_ it.

Panting after Yassen like this felt wrong, out of place for the middle of a job. Wanting him in a place that had bars on the windows and threats outside the door, rather than in the safety of his own bed. Selene looked bored, and Yassen seemed very far away from it all, not looking at her or Alex or much of anything. No one in the room seemed to be enjoying this, except for how Alex couldn’t rip his eyes away.

The movement of Yassen’s hand on his cock, the way it twitched in his grasp and how carefully he held himself. Perfectly in control, even like this. 

_Hell._

Alex committed himself to taking one measured breath after another, in through the nose and out through the mouth. If some of them were a little shaky, no one else had to know.

Selene had stopped moving, hands coming up above her head and looking as limp and compliant and as little a threat as Alex should have hoped for if he weren’t desperate for a distraction. Neither of them made any noise, and so the soft rasp of skin against skin as Yassen stroked himself was branding itself on Alex’s brain and landing hot in his gut, his own cock stirring with interest. 

His nostrils flared and mouth dried, sheer embarrassment warring with arousal. It wasn’t anything new, not really. He was eighteen and isolated and he’d learned to deal with the frustration that that caused. But usually that was _private._ If he got hard from this, standing against the wall… Yassen would see. _Everyone_ might see, because Alex didn’t trust himself to be back under control before he had to walk outside if this went quickly. 

The thought horrified him, but that didn’t do anything to stop his dick from twitching in his pants, obviously interested in what was going on.

Casually, Yassen removed his hand, let his erection stand free in front of him as he ripped open a condom, and smoothly rolled it on. The motion looked… practiced. 

Out of everything, that detail might have been the most ridiculously surprising. Alex had been around Yassen for over five years, and despite his growing and guilty interest in his mentor, had never found so much as a hint that Yassen was anything but celibate. 

He could – probably – understand a singular exception, but now different possibilities were clamoring in the back of his mind.

Alex kept counting his breaths. In and out. Gave up on keeping his eyes to himself entirely and just hoped Yassen was too preoccupied to notice Alex eyeing his cock.

His first impression was right - it was long and pale except for the shiny red of the tip, surrounded by a thick thatch of blonde curls at the base. Alex didn’t know why he was surprised by that. He’d taken note before of Yassen’s eyelashes, so light they were almost invisible from a distance, but thick and long enough to cast a shadow across his cheeks up close. 

He didn’t know when he’d started to notice, but Yassen was a beautiful man.

It was something Alex didn’t think of until it hit him all over again, creeping up on him in quiet moments, watching Yassen’s complete focus behind a rifle or the sweat darkening his hair after a spar. Being helplessly distressed by how much he wanted to lick his way up Yassen’s throat had become an inconvenient and inescapable part of who he was, but Alex tried not to dwell on it. He was sure that it was temporary, a byproduct of proximity and intimacy and the staggering amount of trust he had in him. Alex knew enough about his own issues not to trust _himself_ , after all. 

Most of the time, Alex put his attraction down to messy circumstance and that despite everything else in his life, he was young and isolated and inexperienced. It probably had nothing to do with it being Yassen at all. And it wasn’t like he expected anything to come of it.

Caught inside a tiny room while he got ready to fuck someone was making that conviction impossible to maintain, mission or not.

Alex shivered. His uniform, loose and practical, felt rough against his skin.

On the bed, Selene rolled her head to the side to look at Yassen. She knotted her hands in the sheets above her head and lay there, waiting silently. Alex watched them closely, tongue pressed to the roof of his mouth. Would Yassen crawl on top of her? Lay down with his back to Alex? Fuck her so that Alex couldn’t see? 

Most of him knew that would be the best thing to happen. Distance this… whatever this was, from the two of them and get back to the job they were supposed to be doing. The rest of him felt like if Yassen turned away right now, he might actually drag Alex with him, pull him away from the wall because the world had narrowed down to the cut of Yassen’s hip and the flush on his neck and the way his fingers wrapped around the base of his cock, holding himself steady as he got ready to push into the woman in front of him. 

_Fuck._

Deep in his throat, Alex whined without meaning to, shifting in place as his pants grew tighter again.

Yassen’s eyes flicked to him at the noise. The dim lighting made it harder to see, but Alex didn’t need light to know when Yassen was watching him. Sometimes Alex thought Yassen’s focus, heavy on the back of his neck, called him to heel better than any spoken command could. Alex bit down on the tip of his tongue, hoped the spark of pain would keep him steady. 

He didn’t know how this was going to go, but whatever it was, Alex could push through it. He had to, because the alternative was coming apart at the seams.

Without further delay Yassen reached for her, tugging Selene toward him. She slid off the bed easily, standing in front of him waiting for instruction. She hadn’t made a noise since Yassen told her to stay quiet, which made the small sound from Alex feel dirtier. Alex felt like he was waiting with her, staring at the two of them. It should have been weird or at least a bit off putting or awkward, but neither of them seemed to care at all that he was in the room except for how Yassen was still watching him over her shoulder. 

Alex kept very very still. If he moved at all right now, he wasn’t sure which direction it would be - across the room, out the door, or just crashing down to his knees in an embarrassing loss of self-control. 

When Yassen grabbed the back of her head, fingers threaded through her hair, she arched into his arms without complaint, leaning backward until he was supporting her weight, half-holding her as he lowered her back to the bed. Alex was well aware of the type of strength that took, and Yassen made it look as simple as breathing. 

Her legs wrapped around him, pulling him closer against her, and without pausing Yassen slipped a clinical hand between her thighs, pulled his fingers back before wiping them on the bed. He smoothed an absent minded hand down the side of her face, gaze still heavy on Alex.

Inside his chest, under his lungs and tender organs where he felt everything sharp and hot, Alex shuddered. 

Yassen broke eye contact just before thrusting in, the snap of his hips drawing a gasp from Selene and tightening her fingers in the sheets. An understood expectation. _No touching._

Alex felt the air leave his lungs all at once.

He was suddenly glad that he was against the wall, because if it wasn’t for the steadiness against his back, Alex might have swayed on his feet with the way his head was spinning. Or done something horrible and stupid, like try to climb on the bed himself, just for Yassen to look at him again. The coil of heat in his groin was twisting tighter, and he could feel his pulse picking up, a heady complement to the inescapable noise of Yassen fucking Selene across the bed.

It was wet and rhythmic and the two of them were moving together like they’d fucked countless times before, pace steady from the start and Alex couldn’t handle this. Not hearing the slap of skin against skin or the creaking of the solid bed frame as Selene lifted her hips to meet Yassen and was pushed down into the bedding from the force of his movement. Alex’s attention kept catching on the small things - the way that the sheets bunched up below her, how he could see Yassen’s back arching as he thrust in. The way her teeth caught her bottom lip before she tucked her face into the side of her arm.

As indifferent as they’d both been, it obviously felt good. That thought kept echoing around the inside of his skull as he watched them, partly because thinking else had become suddenly and embarrassingly difficult.

He’d have been more use out in the hallway, because all he could think of was the slide of Yassen’s cock into her and how even in the shitty lighting he could see the way that her legs hitched tighter around his waist to change the angle and suddenly they were moving _slowly_ at some unspoken cue that Alex hadn’t caught but was going to be the death of him. Still steady, no sign of either of them tiring but now it wasn’t skin against skin but the softer sounds of him moving inside her. The occasional ragged breath as they continued fucking, cut off before it could turn into something more. Both of them were strangely silent given how much Alex, just standing there and not even being touched, wanted to plead with Yassen to _go faster._ Out of mercy for Alex, if nothing else.

The room was hotter than it had been when this all started. Rather than just rough against his neck and chest, his shirt was claustrophobic. Damp around the collar and where his back was pressed against the wall, a bead of sweat threatening to roll down his spine.

Yassen wasn’t paying attention to him at all any more, and maybe that was how this was supposed to go, but just then Alex would have given anything even for a clipped order to _‘stay still’_. It might have made it easier to focus on his actual job rather than the want to crawl between them.

He was turned on past the point of denying it any more. Past even being upset about how sleazy that probably made him or self-conscious about the bulge in his uniform. He just wanted this to be done and then never look Yassen in the eye again, because Alex was sure he’d never be able to get this moment out of his head.

But if his control was fraying, he wasn’t the only one. Or maybe it was just a matter of impatience. Without a word of warning Yassen snapped his hips forward, breaking their rhythm and driving Selene up the bed from the sudden force of it, moving with intent. Pumping in and out of her, until Alex could see the muscles in her thighs trembling, wrapped around him. 

And then it was over. 

Yassen stilled. Bent low over her, hands pressed next to her head, bracing himself over her, not touching anywhere but their hips. He stayed there for a long moment.

Alex wanted to move, or shove his hand into his pants, or maybe just scream. He was hard, drawn up tight and hot and nowhere near being able to come himself. But doing any of that would probably be unforgivable.

Below Yassen, Selene rolled her head back to center, letting go of the sheets and unwinding her legs. Back to her loose sprawl on the bed, seemingly indifferent to what happened next. Without ceremony, Yassen straightened up and pulled out. His cock was softening, that thatch of blonde hair now darker and curled with sweat and slick of two bodies pressed together. He pulled the condom off and tied it neatly, walking toward the cramped bathroom they’d been provided to refresh themselves, ignoring Selene and Alex alike.

The sink turned on, the toilet flushed, and Yassen reemerged a moment later swiping water from his face. 

Still standing against the wall, not nearly as composed as either of them, spare fragments of thoughts flashed through Alex’s mind. About DNA and precautions he should have taken and that Yassen apparently had those in hand even after he’d had sex. Which was, in a way, very impressive.

On the bed, Selene sat up and tugged her robe on from where it had been abandoned in the mountain of brocade pillows. Flushed from the sex, but otherwise entirely professional.

“Am I dismissed?” 

No doubt she had her own quarters somewhere in the sprawl of hallways and discreet stairs. It took time and space to look as effortless as she arranged herself to be and would want to clean herself up. She still hadn’t looked at Alex beyond the slide of her eyes across him when she glanced at the door. 

It could have been sympathy for his… condition, but it felt more likely that her orders had been clear. It didn’t matter either way to Alex’s gratitude.

“You are,” replied Yassen. Unfolding his clothing out of the neat piles, pulling himself together as if he were overwriting the last thirty minutes. Back to normal, except for the water on his neck and the high color on his neck, visible only because he was so pale.

Selene nodded to him, carefully respectful, and slipped out the door without a backward glance. 

It locked again behind her.

All that was left was Alex himself, trying very hard to pretend that the heat down his spine and the ache in his cock had gone away when Yassen came and their business here finished. He wasn’t fooling himself, and from the way that Yassen was looking at him, he hadn’t missed Alex’s discomposure either. 

Avoiding the oversized bed and its rumpled sheets, Yassen approached him. Alex stayed against wall, trying to stay professional and failing. With Selene out of the room, Alex’s legs had inched apart, trying to find some relief from the pressure. There wasn’t the distraction of two people on the bed now, or anything to justify his agitation, just his persistent interest and the flood of hormones leaving him wound up and jittery with arousal. 

He was sure he looked ridiculous.

Thankfully Yassen didn’t comment. Just looked at him through his long lashes, the size of the room putting them closer than Alex felt prepared to deal with. If Yassen on the other side of the bed had made him want to crawl across that expanse and beg for his attention, being close enough to reach out and _touch_ was putting horrible ideas into his head. 

Flashes of swaying into Yassen’s chest, or reaching out to pull him closer, staggering the half step it would take to bend down and press his mouth to Yassen’s. The wild, vivid hope that Yassen would touch his face, thumb on his chin in the way that narrowed the world down to just him. Things that Alex had thought before, fragments of bad ideas during training or late nights when it was just the two of them in the office. Impossibilities, easy to ignore because they’d never happen, but with the smell of sex lingering in the room and Yassen still in front of him like he was _waiting_ for something, Alex wanted it to be real.

He’d thought that Yassen was a mind reader often enough and maybe that was true - without warning, he was stepping back, letting oxygen back into the space between them. Turning away from Alex and folding his sleeves up his forearms as he returned to the other side of the room. His jacket was still folded across the back of the chair. Maybe he was also warm in here.

“Take as much time as you need.” 

“Thank you,” Alex rasped. His throat was dry. Relatively unimportant but easier to focus on than the more pressing concerns. Self-consciously, he tried to straighten up, wincing when that made everything press… wrong. “I’m sorry. About this.” Because really there was no avoiding it, even though he appreciated that Yassen was apparently willing to try.

“It’s a natural reaction. You’re young. I didn’t expect it, but it’s not surprising,” Yassen said, voice as calm as any other time he’d explained something to Alex.

And that did more to release the tension in Alex’s spine than any amount of patient waiting could have. Still felt like a mess, not quite wanting to move because he was still swollen and sore, but the embarrassment was slowly untangling itself at the reassurance. That Yassen was looking at this as pragmatically as he did the rest of the world. He’d probably never connect Alex’s flustered state with _him_ either, just mark it down to youth and hormones. 

Maybe he hadn’t fucked up too badly.

Against the wall, Alex closed his eyes and tried to relax. After another minute crept by, he heard the familiar sound of a magazine dropping and slide racking back. Yassen checking his weapons. Which in a locked room alone, made no sense, but Alex wasn’t about to waste words on something that was harmless if a little weird. 

Not when other questions were starting to form as his head cleared. Beyond his personal worries or lingering distaste that they were here at all, he was finally getting enough space to think things through, and just out of reach, something was bothering him. This entire thing had felt off from the start.

Alex took Yassen at his word, and took his time. Trying to think back to a week ago, to that frantic conversation in Yassen’s rooms and how this entire night had spun out. Until, feeling more stable than he’d been since Delancey slid that file across the table, Alex opened his eyes.

“Why did you do this?” Alex asked. It felt insufficient to sum up… all of it, the changed mission and the sex that Alex _still_ wasn’t sure Yassen enjoyed and the way Yassen was still turning his gun over in his hands as if it were strangely fascinating. And maybe Yassen wasn’t feeling talkative, but it was rare he refused to explain his thinking about a job. Not when he relied on Alex being able to understand his motivations.

Surely enough, he looked back at Alex. “It was easier than the alternatives. Delancey can feel proud that he hosted us and feel confident in our relations going forward, and sex is unremarkable enough that no one will think twice about tonight.” 

Alex wasn’t so sure that was true. He knew that he, at least, wouldn’t be able to put the memory aside for a long time coming. Until he died, with his luck. Remembering the way Yassen had stared at him over Selene’s shoulder and the weakness in his knees when he touched her face. Remembering and wondering what that meant for _him_. 

“But if that’s- if people know what type…” Alex started and then trailed off. Unable to wrap his tongue around the words, not even sure of what he wanted to say. That if what Yassen liked was thin, quiet women with waves of hair and dark eyes then maybe that was common enough not to be a risk, after all. Alex would even do his best not to resent the fact.

Yassen’s even stare turned amused. 

“What?” Alex asked, edging on defensive. He _knew_ he was inexperienced. The least Yassen could do was not laugh at him.

“I don’t have a type. She was one of three choices. All experienced, less likely to be intimidated or try to impress.” Yassen paused, lips twitching upward. “Easier than the alternatives.” 

Well. That practically passed for a joke from Yassen. Alex snorted through his nose, letting his head fall back against the wall. 

“That doesn’t really answer my question, you know.”

Yassen hummed, a little off-tone noise in his throat that Alex didn’t think he’d ever heard before. If it were anyone else, he’d have said it sounded hesitant. Coming from Yassen he didn’t know what to call it, other than oddly human.

That was rare enough. Coupled with the way Yassen was watching him, across the bed and still somehow very close, it made Alex ache in a way that had nothing to do with not being allowed to get off.

“Thank you,” Alex said again, because it felt right. Quieter than the first time, but heavier too. And he was grateful, for something that he didn’t really understand, beyond just the chance to recover himself physically or the lack of judgement from Yassen. And, feeling more shy than he had even while Yassen was naked and Alex squirming in place while he stood guard, Alex chanced a small smile. 

No one else would have seen it - it wasn’t really something that you could see. Not across a shadowy room, probably not even in the full light of day. But when Alex smiled, something in Yassen’s expression softened. Just for a moment, a flicker of warmth and affection returned.

Small but honest, and that meant everything. 

It was worth the shitty mission and the anxiety, the slight lingering ache in his groin and the certainty in the back of his mind that this was going to make wishing his interest away that much harder. He’d get his answers later or he wouldn’t, but for now there was a job that needed doing and Yassen trusted him. Apparently more than Alex had known.

That was enough to get through anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, let me know what you enjoyed!


End file.
